my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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