I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
