John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
