he shaved USA in his pubs
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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