He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
