Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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