3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
