If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
