It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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