this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
