I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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