bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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