just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
this is an emotional support booty call
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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