i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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