Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize