i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
