I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
