so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
