No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
