i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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