Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
