Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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