I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
