I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
