I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
