I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
