I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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