ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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