6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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