It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
