I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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