plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The Olympian is in my bed
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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