im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
