You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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