I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
