Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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