Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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