Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
