I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
