I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize