i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
