I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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