please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
