Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
