Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
