she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
