He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
