I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize