dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
