4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
