Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
