I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
