mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
