i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
