After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
