i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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