If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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