Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
