I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
