bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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