Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
