Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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