Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
