Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would ride that face into the sunset
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
