fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
