Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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