bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
