Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
