I want to have your abortion
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
