Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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