I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
smell my finger.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
